by Eight Thirty Seven with assistance from J-Dub and Jason from Indiana
Last week around there was a lot of bizarre stuff that went down. It started on Thursday when the Jets lost at home to the Bills, a team with very limited ability and talent went into New Jersey dressed like a soccer squad and and kicked Ryan Fitzpatrick’s teeth in. Then on Sunday the Eagles found a way to lose to the Dolphins, the Broncos folded to a team that lost their first five games of the year, and the Cowboys lost to Tampa. Not to be outdone, Charlie Sheen announced on “The Today Show” that he was HIV positive on Tuesday because he’s been out of the news cycle for a couple of months and that seemed to be the only way he could get back in the good graces of the nation. Duh, winning.
But by now you’re tired of the tiger leukocyte jokes, and week eleven is heating up. We’re seeing the end of an era in Denver as Elway struggles to figure out what that team is going to look like without his golden boy, and the NFC East is still as wide open as ever. If last week taught us anything it’s that this is more of a week to week league as ever, and that’s why I’m going to take some chances with some of my picks here. So let’s fast forward through time and see what’s going to go down in week eleven of the 2015 NFL season.
Bye Weeks: Cleveland Browns, New Orleans Saints, New York Giants, Pittsburgh Steelers
I’m usually the kind of guy who never buys into the whole “moral victory” bullshit but the Giants played New England solid and only lost by a point. They’re not that much better than a .500 team, but they are still playing well and at points of that game they impressed the hell out of me and I’m a pretty cynical Giants fan. The Browns aren’t much to talk about, and although Big Ben looked good on Sunday he could probably use a week off to let that injury heal a little bit better. The Saints defense has surrendered 130 points over the course of the last 3 games against the Titans, Giants and Redskins so you can only imagine how much overhaul they are going to need to do on that side of the ball this offseason. At 4-6 and with Carolina pulling away with every passing moment, they might need to start worrying about that offseason sooner than later.
J-Dub: Would you like to know what gambling on the Roger Goodell NFL becomes? By that, I mean wagering your hard-earned dollars on a league where parity is rewarded and excellence is deflated. Despite what you might think, it has little to do with being right or wrong; it’s has even less to do with actually hanging on to those dollars. After all, a gambler makes a de facto agreement with the money gods to get separated from his cash on the same order as the proverbial fool.
Gambling on the Roger Goodell NFL is more like being a paramedic treating a car accident victim; it’s all about controlling the bleeding. You don’t know how many bones are broken, you don’t know which internal organs are now mashed potatoes; you just know there’s blood coming out everywhere and you have to stop it.
The problem is every single fucking team is this league is a severed artery. The Bengals turned into the Queen City Kitties by dicking the dog against the Texans. The Green Bay Packers packed it in against the Motor City Kitties. Then, there’s Peyton Manning’s refusal to accept his AARP card, which is turning the Denver Broncos into the nags getting fed into the glue factory.
That helps to explain why the J-Dub Gambling Challenge is becoming a exercise in bleeding. By that, I’m not talking about those two drops of blood you see in your bathroom sink after an aggressive flossing mishap. We’re talking about losing blood faster than Ronda Rousey’s brain lining.
The J-Dub Gambling Challenge hemorrhaged last week, even after taking the week to regroup. The overall season total stands at $2,269.00. Many casual gamblers wouldn’t consider that to be a terrible total; after all, that an average loss of less than $20 per week, which is actually a decent total for cheap entertainment.
But this isn’t the J-Dub Entertainment Challenge; it’s the J-Dub GAMBLING Challenge. That’s why you are going to see the bets get a bit more aggressive this week. It’s either time to get healthy, or become a Syrian refugee.